Wow, has it really been... well, nevermind. It's been a busy year. And, I'm sorry to say that I never posted a few of the gigs that I was fortunate enough to have played in recently. A sampling of the contemporary work of Anomie can be found here: myspace.com/anomiechicago. And, a more recent update... I've been lucky enough to be included as a guest artist by Elle Musique, a string quartet here in Chicago.

More to come...

After a bout of the flu and bronchitis, I'm finally back. In my absence, I've spent a lot of time reflecting, watching TV, and just relaxing in general. It's not like I had a choice...  During this time, I came across a friend's blog posting. Tuck Self is truly a Southern Belle with Balls. In one of her recent blogs, the following quote from The Invitation caught my attention:

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!” It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Native American Elder

Reading this from a musician's point of view, this truly is an invitation to embrace the music and everything that brought you to it in the first place.  In the end, it's not about whether you play classical, jazz, or contemporary, or whether you've studied with "this" professor or "that" orchestral  player.  It's about taking risks, truly enjoying yourself, pulling yourself together when you have a bad day, and throwing yourself to the wolves once in a while.  Guess what?!  They may not bite.

Took my flute out today, just like any other day... put it up to my mouth, proceeded to play, then... BLAM! I knew this moment was coming. That moment when your beautiful, clear tone goes to pot and your fingers act as though they spent last evening at the bar watching the Cubs!

It's happened to musicians, actors, sports heroes... you name it. I had come too far in my quest for flute fame (well, not fame really - it just sounded good) for this to happen.  There were times when this strange phenomenon lasted for weeks.  This time, I was not going to give in!!  I put my flute down, pouted for a while, took the dog for a walk, came back, and did NOT pick up my flute.  Had I done so, it would have been forced.  What good does that do?  Instead, I centered myself, took a few deep breaths, and utilized some great stress and relaxation techniques I've learned as a TTouch Practitioner.  What the heck is TTouch?  TTouch is an amazing tool that helps to positively influence health and behavior using touch, movement, and other exercises.  While typically associated with animals, TTouch works wonders on ALL animals (including humans!)

It worked!!  Thanks to TTouch, I'm able to successfully pull myself out of this hole and move on.  If you are in the Chicago area, contact me for a TTouch inspired lesson at Heidi@HeidiSaeter.com or call (847) 859-2115.

For more information about TTouch, check out their website at www.TTouch.com.

I thought the rod was going to break in two. My Dad was standing ready with the net. "This is a big one!" The fish took a dive under the boat, just about taking me and the rod with him, then... SNAP!! The line broke. For a split second, in our moment of disbelief, the fish received an honorarium of silence for a fight well fought. We chuckled and shook our heads, not believing what had just happened. All that work, for nothing. Or was it?  It was a learning experience, a great bonding moment, and it will go down as one of the "cool" moments that my Dad and I shared.

This brings me to an email posting I read recently.  Someone was wondering how they could go about re-discovering the joy of playing.  This topic is worthy of an entire book, but in short, I think... if it's there, it's there.  Enjoyment can't be forced.  Either you like it or you don't.  The times you truly enjoy it, you'll remember fondly.  That fish certainly didn't like being forced onto our dinner plates and, for now, he's probably lounging around in the weeds and exploring the furthest corners of the lake he calls home.  At some point, maybe he'll have exhausted his opportunities in the lake, become bored and be ready to "move on".

I had the choice, when deciding which college to attend, to go to St. Olaf, my Dad's alma mater, and study with a group of instructors that I was already familiar with, or to go to Indiana University and study with Peter Lloyd, who I had studied with in Masterclasses at a fairly young age.  Peter went to great lengths to get me to come to IU.  Instead, I chose St. Olaf.  I'm not disappointed and I had an amazing time. 

Just recently, I heard from a former instructor of mine.  She emailed, "I just got back from the National Flute Convention in Albuquerque, Monday. it was a wonderful time! Peter LLoyd was there, and did not remember me until I mentioned your name. Apparently you made a bigger splash than either of either of us realize. The entire flute world has heard Peter's story of "the one who got away".  This threw me for a loop.  I had no idea!

This was just one moment in a recent and somewhat eerie series of events that has drawn me back and helped me to re-discover the joy.  It wasn't forced and I feel as though I have so much more to offer now than ever before. 

And, just for the record, I'm going back for that fish next year!

Well, after a few weeks of solid practice and getting my chops back into shape, it's time for a vacation.  Ok, truly... the vacation was planned long before, but I could still use it.  I'll soon be wisked off in a small float plane packed with 7 other family or soon-to-be family members then plunked down in a lake in the middle of the Canadian wilderness for a 3-day fishing trip with no communication to the outside world, an outhouse, a sleeping bag, and one change of clothes.  I welcome the adventure.  After all, all Bach can be boring.  Life deserves a little Ibert!

Fanatical is described as extreme, uncritical enthusiasm, intense devotion… among other things.  This describes my thoughts, my feelings, and my beliefs, for both life and music.  I'm sharing with you the unique path that my life has taken in hopes that you will find some value in the anecdotes, thoughts, and realizations that I’ve had and continue to experience in life and how it relates to my musical journey. 

After graduating from St. Olaf College several years ago with a Bachelor of Music degree in Flute Performance, I stopped.  Yes, I continued to play the occasional church choir accompaniment and wedding solo, but for the most part, I just quit.  At the time, I was unable to really explain why.  After a recent and somewhat eerie series of events, I am in the process of revitalizing my musical journey.  Although my revitalization started only weeks ago, I’ve had several "ah ha!" moments.  First and foremost is – I CAN still play!  And, surprisingly well, I might add.  Whew!!

My reason for starting this blog is to not only inspire those who have “let it go”, but to throw a new perspective into the life of the typical flute player.

Coming up in future blogs: